


Quiet

by AHS



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Justin pov, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-15
Updated: 2009-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHS/pseuds/AHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin pov, S1 (J living at Deb's).  What to do with so much love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet

It's a rare moment. Deb's working, Vic's gone to the store, and I've got the house to myself. Still, I lock my door before settling myself on the bed.

I don't do… _this_ … all the time. But every now and then, I just have to.

I'm pretty loud during sex, but I'm usually quiet when I'm jerking off alone. I got really good at biting my lip and stifling my moans growing up… not wanting my parents to hear me, even if they didn't know I was doing it thinking about guys.

And I know Deb knows I do it, but no matter how often she alludes to growing boys and masturbation, I don't want her to _know_ know. That's just… eww.

When Brian's fucking me, I can't be quiet. And he doesn't want me to be. I can tell. He likes hearing everything he does to me… every touch translated into breath and gasp and scream.

Well, almost everything. There are three small sounds I'm not allowed.

He's heard them before. Christ, they came from _his_ lips the first time. But I'm supposed to forget that, like he had by the next morning (along with my name). And not bring any drama by saying the words myself, during sex or otherwise.

I saw Brian at the diner today. He halfway ignored me, like usual. But he also didn't. After I guessed correctly that he wanted his usual turkey sandwich with no mayo, he said I was so smart. Then he added, "Except for math." To which I responded that I had gotten an A on my math test. He smiled and raised an impressed eyebrow, and I just knew he'd meant to find that out, without having to ask.

His hand grazed my ass a little when I was walking past him one time, and he almost made me spill all the plates I was carrying. Then made a crack about not being able to find good help these days.

I snuck him a lemon bar, which he loves but won't admit to. He made a face and swiped some lemon goo on my cheek with one finger in sarcastic thanks. He leaned forward like he was going to lick it off, and just when I started to close my eyes in happy anticipation, he pulled back, smirking at me.

I hinted, as he was paying, that I could come over to the loft later. He said, "Not tonight." I'm pretty sure my face fell embarrassingly. But then he actually told me he was hanging out with Michael.

Brian never explains himself. Why did he let me know he would be with his best friend? He had to know I was picturing him with tricks. But, if anything, he usually rubs his tricking in my face so I know not to get hopeful that…

I don't know why he did it. But I know I had to hold myself back to keep from throwing my arms around him before he left.

I'm always holding myself back. Which is why sometimes, like this moment, I have to let go. So I don't burst.

As the hand on my dick moves faster, squeezes harder, and the fingers in my ass go deeper, and my hips twist, and my breath gets shallower and my mouth falls open like my legs, and my lips get dry and fragile under my teeth, and I can smell Brian, feel Brian, and Brian's eyes flash under my closed lids… I pant his name quietly… and then more, closer and closer… until I'm hurtling over the edge and I get not so quiet.

"Brian… Brian, oh God, I love you… I love you… _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouILOVEYOU_ … oh fuck… fuck… I love you…"

Eventually, I calm. My ears stop being all white noise and heartbeat, and I listen to the still empty house, reassured I am alone. I clean up. I feel the lack of Brian, but I also feel better. My heart's… lighter.

I love him so much. I do this so I don't have to say it to him before he's ready. But part of me can't help but hope he can hear me, now.


End file.
